How Burning Out for a Second Time Made Me Stronger

Lessons and Life After Burnout

“I’ve been running on empty for so long.

I’m so exhausted.

Yet I can’t stop. I can’t relax.

And honestly, I don’t really want to because there’s more to do.”

I had burnt out again.

The thing was I just couldn’t stop until all my ducks were in a row. But someone kept on sending more ducks!!

How had it happened again?

I had burnt out once before, and thought I was handling things better. Although reflecting, my perfectionist and people-pleasing tendencies took over again.

I was exercising, meditating… and thought I was practising self-care. Yet I was just going through the motions and never really switching off.

It happened in just over 6 months. During which time, I organised my wedding single-handedly, experienced family illnesses and challenges, moved house, organised Christmas, supported everyone around me who was going through a lot and all whilst running my business.

I took on too much and was there for everyone except for myself.

Have you ever felt like that? Like you can’t relax.

You try but you just can’t switch your brain off. You try to read a book, or try having a long bath. Yet your mind is always on other things. Thinking what next, what’s on my list – the list that’s getting longer and longer.

I tried asking for help, but I didn’t truly believe I was worthy of receiving. And so those I’d asked weren’t able to really help me as I wasn’t open to it.

You can see what you’re doing yet you can’t stop!

You’re trying to control everything right down to the very last detail. You’re not sleeping. And you’re just so tired.

You’re running on empty. Nothing is what you really want. And you’re ignoring your inner voice.

You’re on high alert. You just don’t have any more energy to give. Yet somehow you end up giving even more.

Your Outer World Reflects Your Inner World

You’re stressed and tired. And then more stressed and tired.

The thing is when you are always stressed and tired, you invite more stress and tiredness in. Just as when you are always running around after everyone else and doing, doing, and doing more. You get given more to do.

Everything outside of us reflects what is going on inside. If you are struggling to set boundaries, you will be consistently challenged until you set boundaries. If you can’t say no, you’ll keep attracting situations until you learn to say no.

We have to do the inner work for our outside world to change. We need to be learning and growing all the time.

Your health and energy deteriorates

You are pleasing everyone except yourself. You lose or gain weight. You can’t get out of bed in the mornings. You’re tearful. Run down. And quite frankly exhausted. Yet you keep on going as others need you. And you make excuses as to why they can’t do x, y or z themselves.

Soon you’re just going through the motions, barely keeping your head above the water.

Until one day you realise you can’t go on like this. Something must change.

For me the turning point was being ill on my wedding day.

I finally decided that I was worthy of being the centre of my own world.

I took me another month to actually stop.

And then I took two months off. I completely took the pressure off.

I took time to learn how to relax and found myself again. It was a steady process. I still overdid it some days. But slowly I learnt to let go. To switch off and started enjoying life again. Even if all my ducks weren’t in a row!!

My energy slowly started to come back. And you know what, all those things on my list got done one by one as and when I had the energy. Nothing happened because they weren’t completed right away.

My health became my Number 1 Priority & I found Inner Peace

Sometimes you need to take a big step back and simplify things. I had too many priorities and I came last.

I changed that. For once my health was my absolute priority. And it felt good.

I started saying ‘No’ a lot more and not feeling bad about it. No more guilt.

I started slowing things down – everything from eating to driving to walking.

I started really listening to my body and what it was telling me.

I started speaking up about what I really wanted and stopped putting up with all those things that weren’t what I really wanted.

I got up in the morning, without a rigid routine. I did what I felt like. I started enjoying life’s little pleasures again – my new husband coming home from work, a lovely walk in nature with the sun shining, I started baking and gardening with the robins.

The more I slowed down the more things around me started to slow down. I found my inner peace. Something I’ve not had before.

Awareness is the first step

Becoming aware of what you are doing and why is the first step to recovery after burnout or if you’re on the brink of it. If you’re low on energy and struggling what’s really going on?

Some questions I asked myself were:

Where in my life am I not being true to myself?

How can I be the centre of my own world?

How can I allow more support?

Where am I giving my energy away?

Honesty is key

I had those conversations that I needed to have. Those ones that you’ve been putting off. Yes it can be scary speaking up. Yet the more you do it the easier it becomes There’s no need to force yourself or put pressure on you. It will happen naturally when you are ready.

I set and reinforced my boundaries and got super clear on what I really want and need.

I decided I am worthy of having support and of having my needs met.

I’ve come out the other side stronger and more determined. It’s about the journey rather than the destination and I’m excited for the next chapter.

I know I’m exactly where I need to be right now.  Everything is unfolding perfectly with divine timing.

I love myself and I love my life.

How about you?

Love Claire xxx

How To Stick Up For Yourself With A Loved One Without Losing Them

‘I’m so upset she didn’t come.

She said I'm too...!

I feel really let down.

Do they even realise I’m upset?’

Have you ever found yourself saying any of the above when a friend or family member does something that upsets or hurts you?

This can be a sign that you need to speak your truth i.e. say what’s really going on for you and be honest.

You may need to stick up for yourself and reinforce your boundaries.

Now this is something I help my clients with all the time.

I am all about speaking your truth.

I am constantly challenged to keep on speaking mine too!

Speaking your truth can involve sharing the message you’re really meant to share with the world – the one that’s unique to you.

Going vulnerable and saying what’s really going on for you. Asking for help.

And, sticking up for yourself with friends, clients and relatives. This often includes setting and reinforcing your boundaries, and expressing your needs.

Yet often it’s just not that easy.

 

*** It’s okay to Rock the Boat***

It’s normal not to want to rock the boat. And so many of us do everything possible to try to please everyone.  

We want to keep the peace and maintain harmony. Yet by doing that we’re not pleasing ourselves.

And we can be left feeling upset, our needs not being met and even beginning to resent others.

I personally store the angry or upset words in my throat and jaw. And it’s only when I say what I really think and express myself that the energy clears.

 

***Own Your Stuff***

It’s never about accusing or attacking or blaming.

It’s super important to own your stuff and how you are feeling.

It can be helpful to take a bit of time to get your head together and let some of the emotions pass before having a discussion.

If you’re feeling angry or really upset, a great thing to do before you speak to your friend or relative is to have a conversation in your head with that person and say what you need to say.

Then imagine surrounding you and them with blue light and hugging peacefully at the end.

You can also put yourself in their shoes and look at the situation from their perspective, then from the perspective of someone who doesn't know you and from a fly on the wall's perspective too ( great to do when you really can't be honest with the person e.g. a mother-in-law, or your boss). This is super powerful to do in so many situations.

And it helps to start the energy shifting almost immediately and there may be no need to speak to the person directly.

 

*** Things May Get Messy but You Are Okay***

It’s not always easy.

When you open your mouth to say to someone: ‘I am feeling upset after x,y or z.’

It makes us vulnerable and can be scary. The other person might not even have a clue you’re upset.

Tears can be involved and you may have feelings of ‘ I don’t want to upset them.’ I’ll just keep quiet to keep the peace.’

But your needs and feelings matter too.

It’s normal to get upset, especially when you care for the other person. You may even feel guilty - I still do (let it go).

As long as you come from a place of love and wanting to grow and move forwards there is nothing wrong with saying how you really feel.

It does take you out of your comfort zone. But when you say how you’re feeling, explain how the other person’s actions made you feel and what you’d like from them going forwards I find it strengthens the relationships.

They most likely don’t even realise that you feel that way. Often when they put themselves in your shoes and look at the situation through your eyes, they can understand you better.

And you can do the same and understand them better too and realise what’s going on for them.

 

***Opening the Channels of Communication Strengthens Relationships***

You open the channels of communication.

Yes, there may be tears or some difficult feelings may come up. You or they may remember old feelings from the past. You may have been triggered.

But it’s all okay.

When you have that level of honesty, care and compassion with someone. You both grow and your relationships strengthen and deepen.

So rather than fuming away silently or crying about it. You can get things out in the open and resolve them or come to an understanding. Leave it behind, clear the energy and move forwards.

 

*** Your Needs Matter Too ***

Remember it’s okay to say what you need.

It's okay to say no.

It's okay to say yes to yourself.

It’s okay to express why someone has upset you.

It’s okay to feel sad, angry, hurt or upset. Know the feelings will pass.

It’s okay for relationships to get a little messy – there is no such thing as perfection.

Our soul mates will always push our buttons so that we can learn more about ourselves. Do our inner work and keep on growing.

Ultimately when we come back to love and honesty we continue to grow and have more meaningful relationships.

When we value and support ourselves and our needs the world and the Universe begins to do the same.

How are you sticking up for yourself today?

Love Claire xxx

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Overcome The 6 Biggest Confidence Mistakes That Are Keeping You Small & Stuck

Are you feeling unsure of yourself?

Comparing yourself to others?

Hiding or afraid to really put yourself out there?

I used to be the same, lacking in confidence and keeping myself small and stuck.

I was not moving forward in my life and business. I was hiding behind boring posts. And often not showing up in front of my ideal clients at all.

I wasn’t standing up for myself either with my family, friends or clients. And I was being walked over. Taking on everyone’s problems and struggling.

I was really scared of what people would think if I stuck up for myself or started doing thing MY way. I was a people pleaser – trying to keep everyone happy but I wasn't happy.

I never said no. And I didn’t know how to set boundaries.

I was drained of energy and keeping myself small and stuck. Until I realised the big mistakes I was making.

They are the same mistakes I see my clients making repeatedly.

Here are the biggest confidence mistakes and how to overcome them:

 

1.       You Say You’ve Lost Your Confidence

You used to be confident, but now you’re not.

You feel like you’ve lost your confidence. And no matter what you do you can’t seem to get it back.

However, we are all naturally confident. We all have confidence naturally within us.

It’s just sometimes we forget to tap into it and use it!

It’s all a matter of decision. Today, choose to tap back into your natural confidence and use it.

You can step back into your natural state, where you are confident and shining brightly.

 

2.       You Place Too Much Focus On Yourself

You are about to speak, hit publish or go live and then you start thinking: ‘What if I don’t do a good enough job?’

‘What if’ thinking as I call it is not useful!

You wind yourself up: ‘What if people judge me for how I look, sound…. What if I mess up my words, what if people don’t like what I’m saying…..’

And often we can almost talk ourselves out of doing something!

Instead change your focus and put yourself in the shoes of the person you want to help by sharing your message. They really need you to solve their pain/problem.

They are stuck, lost, in lack and they need you…. They are waiting. And they will only know you can help them if you put yourself out there.

Taking the focus off yourself and putting the focus onto those who need you, is a great way to get you moving forwards.

It’s so much easier to put yourself out there, when you forget about trying to do it perfectly and just say what you need to say.

You stop keeping yourself small. And start making huge progress.

 

3.       You Overthink Every Tiny Detail & Focus on Your Fears

You have an event coming up and you start thinking about what could go wrong.

You focus on your fears and the ‘What if’ thinking starts again.

Ask yourself: ‘What is the worst that could happen?’ Then ask: ‘So What?!’

Keep asking yourself this question until you have said aloud all your fears.

Remember FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.

You can acknowledge, thank and release each fear. Just let each one go.

Then make a plan for your event, prepare and just do it!! Hit publish, go live, hit record or speak.

It does not need to be perfect to have an impact! Just share.

It’s always so much better than we think it will be in our heads.

And remember that everyone you are talking to wants you to do well. They want to learn and they will appreciate you.

Focus on those you are helping. Get out there and share your unique message now.

If not now, when?

 

4.       Lack of Self-Belief & Comparisonitis

This is something I see repeatedly. And I used to do it too.

You talk yourself down and out of doing things. You don’t realise just how good you are and how much you can give to your ideal clients.

You know a lot more than you think you do!

Give yourself credit for everything you have done, everything you have learnt and everything you bring to your ideal clients.

Write a list of everything you can offer them.

And stop comparing yourself! We’ve all done it. You see what everyone else is doing and then you start to doubt what you’re doing.

Because it’s different or not the same. That’s a good thing! You are unique. You have your own unique experiences, your unique life lessons, and your unique message.

You are the best person to help your clients.

OWN it!!

Being who you are. Showing the real you. Being honest and showing up authentically in your life and business is more than enough.

When you speak from the heart and do the best you can that’s what your tribe wants.

Energetically there is no competition.

Showing up as you is the very best thing you can do.

You have what it takes and everything you need is already inside!

When you start believing in yourself, then others will believe in you. Our outer world reflects our inner world.

Go for it and share your unique message. Your clients are waiting!

 

5.       You Don’t Recognise Your Own Potential

We often focus on what we haven’t done rather than what we have.

Always thinking we need more training and more qualifications or that we should be better…. This can keep us stuck as we think just one more course, qualification….

Yes, it’s great to learn and I personally never stop learning.

But you can start serving your ideal clients right away.

And continue serving as you build on your knowledge and experience.

Here I encourage you to look at those around you, and realise you do know more than those around you about your subject of expertise.

You are an expert in your field.

And remember, you only need to be a few steps ahead of your ideal client to be able to help them.

You are the best person to help them, because of your unique story, experiences, and message.

Again, you can write down all you can offer your client and how you can help them with their transformation.

 

6.       You Have Fake Confidence & Attach Your Happiness To Outcomes

If you have fake confidence, this comes from your stomach. It means you’re attached to outcomes.

You’re only okay and feel happy when you get certain results and when things unfold in the way you expect.

But when things go wrong, you go to pieces. Your confidence and self-worth are linked to everything you do.

When you have real confidence, that comes from the solar plexus. You know you are okay NO MATTER WHAT.  No matter if you fail, or what is going on around you.

You are detached from outcomes. And are open to letting things unfold in their own time and in their own way – often not the way you expected.

You KNOW everything is always working out for you. And you stand confidently in your own power.

 

Become Aware of Your Unhelpful Patterns & Instead Own Your Uniqueness

The biggest mistakes we make when it comes to confidence that keep us small and stuck are: Not recognising we are all naturally confident; placing too much focus on ourselves; focusing on our fears; comparing ourselves to others and doubting ourselves; not recognising our potential; and being attached to outcomes.

It is possible to step back into our naturally confident selves, if we make that choice to do so.

We can increase our confidence by shifting our focus to our potential clients, recognising how much we have to offer, releasing our fears, owning our uniqueness and detaching from outcomes.

What are you going to commit to today? If I can do it so can you 😊.

Love Claire xxx

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